ei...been a long tym since i entered any of mah journals here... yeah im still pretty busy with mah school and work. i dont really see a chance to lie low til summer. oh well, i feel ok, pretty miserable... hahaha, yeah there u go, juz laughed mah sadness away. i dnt wna mean to be so really emotional and boring here, but ei, who knows, fo y'all reading this u myt help me out with sumthin and help me to juz get over with mah fucked up problem... 

well, love has closed its door on me... i decided to have a cool off with my man now. i juz couldnt take ol his lame excuses of being busy... oh well, yeah he is busy.... i know, there are parts that im da one who's really to blame because im so childish and sumwat a real drama queen and number one whiner. i juz cant figure out how gio went from super sweet to da type of guy dat doesnt seem to care at ol if i go crazy waiting for his call or txt. i know he is working 2 jobs, he goes to da gym almost everyday, in between before he goes to his 2nd job. wat i cant understand is dat we talk less and less now. i remember him saying 2 me dat we dnt need to lyk talk everyday more than an hour, or everytym dat he got freetym (which basically breaks my heart into pieces) i thought how could he say that? we never get to see each other lyk a normal boyfriend girlfriend does... so basically, our relationship is relying to those fone conversations in order for us to stick 2geder... i am so mad til now, he couldnt see my point... i understand that if we talk much for da day, we myt run out of words to say then da relationship starts to get boring.... he dont understand that juz by talking to him completes my day. everytym dat i open this up to him, he cuts me off, he insists dat he is busy ryt now.... i remember him telling me dat iam "freakin selfish and demanding" and dat he couldnt meet up with my standards.... im lyk wat on earth are u talking about... im thinking, its because he wont even try to live with my expectations. i cant blame myself u know? since we started together, i've known him to have 2 jobs, he goes to gym, hang out wid his hommies and dat... with that busy-ness, he managed to call me 3 times a day, or if he misses to call me he send me textmessages.... i am really upset now, coz pretty much nothing has changed with his status, he is still busy but da way he treats me now is juz staright up rude and uncool to me.... how come he cant do ol da things he used to do 2 me??? i am thinking maybe he really knows well dat i love him and dat tho how many times he'd hurt me i will take him back... but dat doesnt go dat way always.... im so tired dealing with him, ive been kind and nice enuff to him, i love him still but hey, im losing my interest, everynyt, im asking myself, is ol da effort im makin now is worth doing??? i want to work things out u know, but he juz wont compromise with me.... im stuck up in between now, i dunno wat to do, im not happy without him, but certainly im not getting happier if everytym dat we wil talk we wud oweiz argue about da way we cud keep in touch with each other. do u think im being too much for him? is it too much to ask of him to at least call me once a day. he had been so cold to me lately... he told me i was juz being too paranoid... i know i am, but wat can i do, it hasnt been a month wen i found out he lied to me about dat other girl.... so basically im still trying to rebuild my trust to him and then he started doing this..... im so stupid.... i regret for loving him so much, then i get nothing from him... not a healthy relationship anymore. sumtyms i talk to friends and i get different opinions dat sumtyms are helpful and some arent. its is true indeed that the only person i can trust to is God, me myself and i. fuck this, im so screwed now. i dunno...i dunno, maybe we r going to break up eventually.... im juz preparing myself for it, God knows how mch i love gio, how mch im willing to get down with everything juz to make him happy, tho it means sacrificing my own hapiness. cnt take this, im juz counting down coz im about to blow out.... hatred is consuming me... so stupid i get so weak wen it comes to gio. im not myself right now....evryday is juz another day in hell.... aiite imma go now. still waiting fo da moment when im gon be orayt again. t'all mah hommies tnx fo everything....  

oh well, sunday nyt.... geez, mah spring break is ovahhh!!!! nothin special and exciting happened (but sumthin bad happened to me) imma be back to school 2morow. then i got work

well fo da past few days, i havent entered any blabberz here, i was deeply hurt, stabbed by a jagged edge knife by da person dat i cared most, the very last person dat i expected to do me wrong.... yeah yeah, ol dat low key status of mine, dats wat its ol about.  mm-hmmm, gio lied to me ol diz time.... pretty fucked up and devastated. but ei, still luv da guy.... but da respect and trust went straight down... wasnt sure if i wud be able to love em like i used to. we talked about US.... we r ok again, yeah.... slap me if u wna, i took him back. different opinions were given by mah fwends and cousins... even mah sister. i also asked god if i should do wat i think is da ryt thing to do, finally got da answer... yeah im taking chances, im risking mah self juz to see wats gon happen next. i juz layk to thank mah friends and cousins fo giving me comfort after dat devastating c2ation fo me...much luv ta y'all!!!!

im pretty FUCKED UP NOW.... my eyes are so dry that even if i feel lyk crying, got no more tears to burst out 

DONT EVEN BOTHER ASKEN MEEH!!!! MUD-A-PHUCKERZ!!! i love to hate ppl now.... lil shout outs to those wanna be pimp, baller, shock callers.... y'all go to HELL where u belong!!!

USHER's CONFESSION ALBUM is out in da stores today!!!! gez wat??? i got mah self one... da cd's content is ol gud, well, kinda related to his and chili's broke up c2ation..... but ei, its a gud cd to listen with wen u wna go SENTI....  ahahahaha!!! i cant believe this, now im plugging out sumbody elses album here on mah site... geez but its worth a buy, its on sale today fo $9.99, orig. price is $13.99... its a gud deal, so get urself one!!! sale price will not gon be dat long...

today,  i finally mailed da cd's and pics to gio...LOL! he was waiting fo those for lyk 2 weeks now... im such a lazy azz gurl... with some lame excuses... ehehehe, juz playenn!!!! i wasnt tht busy at ol today so i was able to go and do it.... so yeah, still thinken about wat i can do 2nyt... gez i juz have to wait & see. aiite goota bounce... til nex entrees!!! peace!!!

woot woot..... today is tuesday, been three days dat i havent updated mah xanga. errrr, well, saturday, i nearly slept mah azz da whole day.... wahahahaha!!! wat a productive springbreak fo meeh!!! wat else happend, whoa!!! nearly forgot, mah honey and i had our 10th MONTHSARRY last 20th of MARCH yeshhh, last saturday (well, we got to talk tho' but not dat much, he got work eh... dat's aiite fo me tho' at least i had some time fo myself alone, and also shared some of it to mah peepz and homies. well, i had a lil something goin on l8er da afternoon.... had an ice cream party wid da kidz. its ol gud tho' but i gez we did a messy job! LOL. after dat ice cream party with da kidz, abby and i had gone out, we went to buy drinks... u know wat kind... da one dat made me really tipsy and blabbermouthed!!! i was not really hapi tho' coz i didnt get to drink our fave drink... mm-hmmm, da bacardi silver ( abby thinks its gon be phased out) we went 2 stores lookin for some... ended up findin' nothin!!!! waaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! oh well, we tried another drink tho' its name is SMIRNOFF BLACK.... well, it tastes like bacardi silver, only sweeter. think we found a substitute oredi!!! well, i got mah self wasted dat nyt... stayed up but i cant remember til wat tym, but i know it was really late... had abby stayed til passed 1am and watched an anime with me. ehehehehe.... laseng na ako nun ahhh, daymmmm!!!  then after dat she went home. i remembered mah phone rang l8er, it was gio, LOL! we didnt get to talk dat much, think i slept on him coz i was really drunk! cudnt put words 2geder effectively.... ol i can remember is dat i was talking to him then i juz woke up in da morning...cudnt remember if i was able to say gudnyt to him... LOL! mah bad.... pero HONEY, if ur reading this, im really sowwee....

errrr.... ok last sunday, i went to church, i saw pastor dave and his wife, they r back from their honeymoon. well, pastor linda approached me about GIO, then kinda told me a lil bit abt her's and her husband's luv story, she said they were kinda lyk GIO and me... a long distance relationship... and made me realized that my generation is luckier than hers coz keeping in touch with ur partner is not that hard as before (geez, cant imagine myself waiting fo gio's letters on slowpoke mails!!!! like pastor linda and her husband did before.. thanks for da internet and cellphone dat has cheap rates today!!!)  well, later in da afternoon, we went str8 to karlos haus... went to todai in woodfield fo lunch (yeah, we had sushis and stuff.... and gez wat, i had a lil taste of their SAKE.... its a japanese liquor ( pucha! pambarako ung lasa, amoy suka, it made me really stoned after having three shots of it) wasnt feeling gud after dat, i turned red again. i did a lil shopping after we had our pics taken. you take a look... (we look adorable right?? )RIGHT!!! well, i was really tired l8er that afternoon, we went str8 home then slept mah azz while mah homies doin their thang down in da basement.